I came across something the other day that I could relate to, something that made me feel hollow inside but also gave me something to look forward too. As I was doing a little research on depression I came across a quote from an unknown author,
“I hope that my last breath is a sigh of relief”
I have often wondered how my final moments will be, I fear that depression will follow me to the bitter end. As you lay there saying your goodbyes to the world all you can think is about how long you have walked this earth unhappy yet there are so many things around you to be grateful for. How many opportunities you have passed up because just the thought of it exhausted you? How many will be near you in your final hours? I have alienated myself from dear friends and have opted out on family gatherings.
In my younger years I would travel the country side and as I drove along I would pass through desolate areas of desert or wide open plains and I would would pull off onto a side road and just site and gaze at the horizon. It was here where there was nothing that I found that hollow comfort.
How many of you out there know of this hollowness? How often you walk around with a mask on in attempt to fool those around you on a daily basis? I know that I am pretty successful at fooling those around me. I know that I care not for group gatherings because of the happiness that everyone finds in it I cannot therefore I am an outsider. Yet we smile and laugh and put on an exhausting show for everyone.